Bonnie and Betty Henderson

I am going to start this story with a mother’s concern. My mother was very concerned when I told her I had barbecue. She was particularly concerned when she heard I not only ate barbecue but I ate pork spareribs. Her concern was heightened when she learned I had sauce with that barbecue. Truth is, yes, I did have a horrible time with my blood pressure five years ago when my immune system attacked my kidneys. When my blood pressure was checked that first night at Hotel Huntington, the machine displayed a reading of 200+ over 100+. Needless to say, I was in dangerous territory that night as I was on my way to having a serious stroke.

Now, five years later, I can say my blood pressure and pulse are considerably better thanks in part to finally following doctors’ orders. After months of testing and my doctors pushing me to take Vitamin D, I finally and stubbornly started taking high doses of D3 last year. Lo and behold, both my blood pressure and pulse are down to between 110-120/67-77, my pulse too has fallen from 101 plus to between 60 and 70.

Now, having said this, it doesn’t mean I can go out whole hog and do whatever I want. No. The elevation in blood pressure I experienced was due to my immune system attacking my kidneys, it was not due to high blood pressure causing kidney failure. So, whether you are diabetic, a person with high blood pressure or someone like me, suffering with lupus nephritis, we must act cautiously when making food choices for the sake of our kidneys.

Now, on to my journey to barbecue heaven. Early last week I learned of a new barbecue establishment in Pasadena via a Facebook friend, Lori Webster of Webster’s Fine Stationer’s in Altadena. She linked to a Pasadena Now article on Bonnie B’s Smokin Barbecue Heaven. Silly me, I read the article as I usually do, ignoring photos and ads, before realizing I might know this person. Well, I was excited to learn the proprietor of said establishment is none other than Bonnie Henderson, a woman I interviewed some years ago — prior to my health dramas — for a one woman show that was to open later that month in Los Angeles. During the interview, she and I discussed her own personal health trials and how she triumphantly overcame. She doesn’t know this but I credit her today for my survival. God has a way of bringing people into your life at critical times to teach you something. Her story was not only a story of triumph, it was a wonderful story of faith.

I knew Bonnie B’s Smokin Barbecue Heaven was the place for me and sure enough, on their website it states “health-consciously prepared foods.” Let me tell you, it sure is “health-consciously prepared”.

First, I’m a Chicagoan and I’m what is known as a foodie. Since leaving Chicago in 1990, I quickly realized how I took my home town for granted. The food here is nowhere near what I’m used to as a Chicago native. First, I should have known something was wrong for SoCal folks when I saw far too many Pizza Hut joints. In Chicago, that’s a gagger, along with Dominoes Pizza. Second, there are way too many franchised food establishments here than I saw in Chicago. Times may have changed in Chicago since I was last there but I am comforted in knowing Leon’s and G&B’s barbecue are still doing brisk business there.

Food in Chicago rises to the level of art form. What I mean by that is a lot goes in to both the preparation and presentation. In Chicago, I am used to tasty food, not salty food. Here in SoCal, taste buds seem more focused on sodium than taste. I will leave out San Francisco and the Bay Area because both are a fabulous foodie’s paradise.

I couldn’t wait to visit Bonnie B’s yesterday because I knew it was going to be good and I was not disappointed. The meat truly falls off the bone. Second, the sauce is served on the side. This is important because you should be able to add as much or as little sauce as needed. Next, since I ordered the three meat combo, I was pleasantly surprised to taste a difference between the ribs, chicken and brisket. As it should be, you will not encounter the same taste with the different meats. The greens were delicious as were the yams and the cornbread, to die for.

Finally, the meat, greens and sauce did not taste like licking Lot’s wife after she turned into a pillar of salt. Thank God!!

My Order: Three meat combo with pork spare ribs, beef brisket, chicken, greens, yams and corbread. Delicious!!!

Something else of note, the beef brisket reminded me of something I once loved: chopped barbecue beef sandwiches. Back in the day we used to travel through the south stopping at places that served chopped barbecue beef sandwiches. I loved those things. Yesterday, after tasting the beef brisket, I was reminded of those delicious sandwiches. If I had the buns, I would have piled the meat upon those buns, poured the sauce across it and would have gone, literally, to barbecue heaven. It was heavenly.

Full disclosure, I’m one of those folks who doesn’t do pork well. It has always bothered me. I don’t do well with sausage, bacon, and I definitely keep a healthy distance from pork chops. Normally I will order beef ribs but they were not on the menu. Instead, I purchased the pork spare ribs to go with my chicken and brisket and I was given four bones. I ate everything sans one piece of chicken and the pork ribs and noticed no discernible rise in my blood pressure. Later in the evening I tackled the pork ribs and yes, my blood pressure elevated slightly but not enough to cause flashing lights or alarms to go off. Unfortunately, that has always been my misfortune.  Pork and I don’t get along but oh my God were those ribs delicious and I ate them like I love eating ribs done well, without sauce. The meat should speak for itself and those ribs were talking.

With that, if you’re looking for excellent barbecue that doesn’t taste like a salt dive, Bonnie B’s Smokin Barbecue Heaven is the place. Tender, juicy fall off the bone chicken and ribs along with the most delicious beef brisket I’ve had since leaving Chicago, this is the place and I’ve found my perfect barbecue. The sauce, as it should, compliments the meat. It is not thick or salty, it’s quite complimentary. Bonnie won’t kill you with her food but you are certainly welcome to kill yourself if you wish. Bring the pound of salt and Tabasco with you if you’re going to eat in, or sprinkle (or pour) it on when you get home if that’s your desire. For me, it was perfect.

As a former Chicagoan and foodie, I’ve found one good DDP (as in Deep Dish Pizza) place here in SoCal, one good thin crust pizza place, one good place for fish, one somewhat good burger place, and finally one good barbecue establishment. Thank you Bonnie and Betty Henderson, I will be back for more. Now, if only I could find good bean pies I’d really be happy.

Bonnie B’s Smokin Barbecue Heaven — Check out the menu here.

And Here’s How It All Got Started (read more here)

Finally, I had one of those “little talks” with myself — something I’m wont to do on occasion — and then made my way to Best Buy to purchase a small, compact, digital camera. Initially, I purchased a little Nikon thinking I just wanted something to take along for street shooting. It didn’t take 24-hours for me to realize the Nikon was a poor choice for someone like me. The next day I returned the Nikon and purchased a Canon SX20 IS. I’m a Canon girl, always have been and perhaps, always will be.

Before I get jumped on by Nikon fans, I used to like the old Nikons and I still have an old Nikkorrmat (seen here with 100 years of dust) and a host of prime and zoom lenses to go with it. However, when electronics hit the camera market, I found myself more fond of Canons than Nikons. I fell in love with a Canon F1, then the AE-1, the A-1, the EOS film cameras and well, the rest is history. Nikons are great but the electronics in the Canons were more to my liking.

I thought all of that would change with the little Nikon I purchased but no. In fact, everything about it made my head explode. When I first picked up the Canon SX20 IS, I felt at home. Everything about the little camera made me feel as if I were holding one of my big guns. In fairness to the little Nikon, the camera was fully automatic. The Canon SX20 IS has the same automatic settings as my DSLRs — Shutter Priority, Aperture Priority, Program, Automatic, etc. — as well as manual shooting for setting the aperture and f-stop.

About ten years ago, I think, I purchased a Canon G1 digital camera to familiarize myself with digital photography. I loved that little rangefinder and I loved having a viewing screen that flipped out and turned every which way but loose. The same is true of the SX20 IS. Unlike my big guns, the viewer flips out, turns sideways, down, up, and any way the wind blows.

Different from the old G1 is the dedicated video button. I like the dedicated button and, while I’m on the subject of video, here is where I get into my pet peeve with Digital SLRs and video. The little digital cameras have always had the ability to shoot video. Many of them have CCD sensors, the same sensors found in video cameras. The digital SLRs are using CMOS sensors and these sensors are now being used to shoot video. Well, that’s a wonderful, beautiful, glorious thing except the CMOS sensors makes noodles of drum sticks, batons, and those darn drummers who insist on beating a drum with sticks. It makes me crazy to see noodled windshield wipers in videos taken with digital HD-SLRs. Since I like Hi-Def videos, I wanted a CCD digital camera for just that purpose and the Canon SX20 IS fits the bill, no maddening noodle videos.

The camera has some weight to it but not to the extent of wreaking havoc on my poor arms. I can place it in a back pack or drop it in a fanny pack and not feel the weight of it. I can lift the camera to my eye, peer through the viewfinder, compose and click the shutter without feeling the muscles in my weakened arms scream bloody murder. Thankfully, the diopter can easily be adjusted for those of us with prednisone eyes — today I can see, tomorrow I can see even less and the next day, a lot better than yesterday.

Since the camera can do everything my DSLRs can do, I’m in hog heaven and I must also mention the big selling point for this camera. The Canon SX20 IS comes equipped with a 20x optical zoom lens with a focal length of 5.0-100mm (35mm equivalent: 28-560mm). My favorite street lens is 35-300mm.

Of course there are some drawbacks with the camera. First, shooting at a high ISO like 3200 gets really noisy to the point of creating useless photos. I have not seen too many digital cameras handle high ISOs well but the SX20 IS really doesn’t do very well. Second, narrow depth-of-field is out of the question. I believe I am limited to F9, end of story. No F-20 anything club here. Those are the two biggies for me. Until I’m stronger, this little piggy will certainly do. Otherwise, it’s tripods and cameras and lenses, oh my — not the stuff of street photography.

Bottom line, I’m still shooting. Limited? Yes, but only temporarily.  And yes, I still shoot with film cameras because I’ve yet to see a good digital black & white image.  Ilford, my love.

Being human, I felt defeated and actually packed my guys up and put them away. It was depressing but I felt my days of carrying cameras, lenses, battery packs, etc., were numbered. It was over, kaput, done.

Then one day last month I opened the door to a room in my house and looked at my weight stack (pictured here). I honestly don’t know what possessed me to purchase this thing ten years ago but I did. Perhaps my unconscious knew, ten years ago, something would happen causing me to need this piece of equipment. I’m a cardio girl, running on treadmills is more my thing, rocking an elliptical, or riding bikes. Even in the gym I don’t travel much to the upper level because I just can’t take the sounds of weights dropping or men making gruff, bear sounds.

Though I have used it in the past, I never really paid much attention to the thing. I was either on my treadmill or stepper only touching this piece every now and then. Last month I began using it consistently and I’m pleased to say it has been beneficial.

Midway through my chemo, I had to unload my backpack. The pressure on one shoulder made me feel as if I was creating fractures in my collarbone. I made my backpack as light as possible to relieve the pressure. Yesterday, I had to carry a few extra things with me in my backpack and feared I would not be able to carry the pack on my shoulders. Well, I did and I was a little surprised. I really hadn’t thought about it as I walked some distance from my car to the job, up to the elevators, onward to my desk, dropped the backpack down and at some point later in the day, realized I had no pain or discomfort from the weight I had been carrying. Oh joy, oh rapture.

I will admit to being a hardass because I will do and go places Angels’ fear to tread and not always in the best condition. I have a few things on my bucket list and though I’ve done some, unsuccessfully I will add, I did them nonetheless. Realizing I have health limitations, it is important for me to feel strong before embarking on the next item on my list and, unfortunately, I also wish to return to the two places I visited to do what I couldn’t do then.

The first place is Big Sur. Unfortunately, when I took this one-day trip I was suffering with severe anemia. I cannot describe what it’s like to be severely anemic sans to say I felt as if I walked with a ton of weight on my back. Simply walking was a chore, particularly walking up hill. I made it to Big Sur and Limekiln Park but, because I was severely anemic, I could not make it up to the kiln. I was out of breath and perspiring too heavily to make it up the hill to see both the waterfall and the kiln. A tripod, cameras, anemia, and fatigue were all a perfect recipe for disaster. Not to mention wild animals can detect weakness and that can be a sobering thought when hiking in the woods. Not the encounter I wanted to have.

The second place is back to Alcatraz. Last year, pre-chemo, I was determined to make it to The Rock. I did indeed make it but with tree trunk legs. Not good. My kidneys were failing me yet again. I ended up having to ride a tram (with some older wise ones) to the top, had to take an elevator up to the prison, and then took the tram back down. Sure, I made great friends with a few older ladies but I lost a great opportunity to shoot (as in photograph) the bay, the beautiful Golden Gate Bridge, all of the scenery around the prison, gone. I couldn’t do it. Also lost was the opportunity to visit John Muir Woods.

This year I had plans to drive up to the Grand Canyon but chemo interfered. I just did not want to chance it. After chemo, I had difficulty cutting my grass. I would cut, stop, rest, cut, stop, rest, cut, stop, rest. What a daunting dance. I could not push my tiny little lawnmower. I knew then any plans I had to visit the Grand Canyon were out. I couldn’t do it and I did not want to do it if I could not carry cameras, a tripod and hike.

Expectation breeds disappointment and I’ve certainly had my share of disappointment. I hate it when I expect to do one thing only to find I cannot. I can say at least I did it. I do have some nice photos, just not the ones I wanted. This is why I had to hit that weight stack. I need to work towards having some strength and endurance in spite of my limitations and it is working. I did have a setback and that was the bone infarct that could lead to hip replacement surgery. I’ve been told walking will help strengthen the leg and I’m not taking that one lying down either. I’m walking and soon I’ll be walking with a backpack full of weights. Nothing too heavy, just enough for the sake of endurance.

Again, I don’t know why I purchased that weight stack but it has proven itself invaluable. The more I work, the better my muscles and hopefully, I’ll have that great experience of lifting one of those big guns to my eye and not feel the shaking in my arms or see the disappointment of another out-of-focus image. The elliptical and treadmill help with endurance and strengthens my legs.

If last year’s fire didn’t destroy it, I’m hoping to see that kiln very soon. I have a nice, strong backpack that should distribute the weight of my cameras as I hike back up that hill, over the bridge, through the water and finally, up to the kiln. I am looking forward to this trip. Wish me well as I continue my weight training and endurance exercises. I also plan on walking up that hill to Alcatraz next time and through Muir Woods.

Today, my 60+-year old friend is 145 pounds, she is no longer a diabetic, and all of the pains she experienced (including her heart problems) have all disappeared. She is a healthier person today, very active, exercises often, and she eats a very healthy diet.

I remember her being that 200 plus pound woman who talked with an urgency (read fast), always appeared short of breath, and was always hot when everyone else felt chilly. Looking at her today is looking at a woman who has gone through a complete transformation for health’s sake. She told me once, we as a nation have jumped on a fast moving treadmill and act as if we cannot get off. Her belief is “we” created our fast moving realities and as such, all we have to do is get off, stop it, and as soon as we do we will realize it is not a requirement for life or living. Just stop and the expectations to go faster and faster will cease and instead of dying sooner, we can prolong our lives to live stronger, longer and healthier.

My friend and I did not become close until after my diagnosis with lupus. She reached out to me offering to help me with my diet. Initially, I was not as enthusiastic and I probably should have been but, over the years, I have learned to not only listen to her, I also value her words of wisdom.

In the past few months I’ve been toying with the idea of becoming a true vegan. I have managed to get past chicken and beef to fish as my only source of animal protein and more veggies. I’ve always been fond of veggies but not like I am today. She, very gently, has tried to sway me away from that idea with such statements as “not as much as you like meat.”

I told her about the times my mother used to go south and return home with steaks wrapped in brown paper. Those steaks were so good and they were the type of steaks you could sear on the grill, then move off the heat for slow cooking. This was some of the most delicious meat you’ve never tasted. They were so good. The same was true of chicken back in the days. You didn’t have to do a lot of seasoning because the meat was tasty. Not any more. Chicken and steaks today taste like dead meat, literally, there is no taste to the meat which made it easy for me to just give it up. The same is true of farm raised salmon. After eating fresh salmon I witnessed my then boyfriend catch, I’ve not been able to eat farm raised salmon since. There is a big difference in taste.

About one month ago, my friend brought me a tasty chicken breast that was nicely seasoned. As I learned recently, the seasoning she used was one of the Benson seasons I purchased a week ago at the Farmers’ Market in Pasadena. As for the chicken breast, it was tasty, juicy, had life, just plain delicious and what I noticed immediately was not having the need to flavor it more with a sauce. I just ate it straight, no chaser.

Dey Dey's Best Ever Chicken and Beef at Saturday's Pasadena Farmers' Market

I asked her where she got this chicken and she told me Pasadena Farmers’ Market. Really? Two weeks ago I visited that Farmers’ Market and did not find the chicken vendor. Last Saturday I did find him and no, the meat was not sitting out making it easy to find. I simply saw a man (seen here) in a cowboy hat with a little boy standing at a table in front of what appeared to be a refrigerated truck. There were plenty of signs above him that said Best Ever Chicken and Best Ever Beef. This had to be the guy my friend spoke of because I walked around twice and all I saw was the woman with the fish and this guy.

I stepped up to the table and looked at his sign. His chickens were $4.00 plus a pound and I thought, for chicken? I have since discovered grass-fed, free range chickens are typically priced anywhere from $3.00 per pound to $5.00 per pound.

I decided to bite the bullet and purchased one of his chickens for a grand total of about $20.00. Yikes!! It was certainly a good looking chicken but $20.00? Oh my God. I decided that chicken would become my Sunday dinner and I would probably have one of these once a month if it’s good.

Saturday afternoon, I called my girlfriend and said “what the hell kind of chicken is this?” She calmly said, “organic, all-natural, grass-fed, free roaming cluck.” I told her “that cluck is too rich for my blood.” Her response was a bit sobering. She asked “would you prefer your chicken shot with beef or pork brine and high in sodium?” I knew nothing about this practice but apparently, chicken breasts, the meat I’ve had such problems with in terms of it not tasting like chicken, is actually shot up with water retention powders. The UK has apparently banned meats processed in this way.

My friend asked if I purchased any of his beef and I did not think about purchasing beef. I stopped eating beef because it just doesn’t set well with my body. She told me grass-fed beef has omega-3. I have never heard of beef with omega-3 fatty acids. Never. Having done a bit of research, she is right. Grass-fed beef has omega-3, grain-fed beef does not. Grass-fed beef has good fats, grain-fed beef does not. A little research and you will learn things about our food chain you never wanted to know.

Sunday night, I prepared my $20.00 chicken. I roasted it with very little seasoning sans stuffing it’s interior with fresh basil, rosemary and other goodies. To be honest, that was the best $20.00 spent. The chicken smelled good cooking, it was tender and juicy, it fell away from the bone easily, the meat tasted good like I remember chickens used to taste, and I couldn’t get enough of it. I haven’t had a chicken that good in years.

I called my friend this morning to rave about that chicken but still, at $20.00, I will probably have it once a month which for me is a good thing. I don’t need a lot of protein. She restated I should try his beef as well because it’s dry aged — a dying art these days — and delicious. How does a woman who does not eat beef know this? Her clients. My friend doesn’t eat beef because she made friends with a cow as a youth. It’s a funny story that’s too long to tell.

I will return next week for some ground beef and Flat Iron Steaks. I’m sure I’ll pay a mint for the meat but thankfully, he accepts credit cards. If I’m not crazy about it my friend will buy it from me. I have a feeling I’m going to like this meat.

Relearning how to eat has been a wonderful experience. Instead of going to the local grocery store to spend hundreds of dollars on crap, I’m learning the farmers’ markets are places where I can buy loads of veggies for a lot less than what I would spend at a grocery store or Whole Paycheck (also known as Whole Foods). I made a killing this weekend and didn’t spend over $100.00. I bought some fresh basil and rosemary that was the cat’s meow. Oh it was heavenly and they cost 3 bunches for $2.00. Try buying organic at Vons or Ralphs for that price.

I owe my friend a great debt for changing the way I look at food. She got me back into my kitchen, I cook everything now, I carry a lunch to work, and I no longer drink sodas. I also eat more fruit now than ever. Unfortunately, last week I was so consumed with stress I didn’t eat right and paid dearly for it. Sunday, my meal was made up entirely of foods purchased at the farmers’ market — steamed broccoli and Brussels sprouts, sweet white corn, and that $20.00 chicken — I also noticed something else, I did not fall into a food coma. Why is that? I have more researching to do.

Bottom line, eat to live. I sometimes fall off my wagon and every time I do I regret it. When I eat well, I feel well and I’m still learning. I will return next weekend to purchase beef and will report back. I’m sure I’ll be cooking on the grill next weekend and that, for me, will be the taste test. I need to sear it and slow cook it to see if it’s all it’s cracked up to be. Since I cannot eat a lot of protein — my kidneys are watching me — I will have plenty of meat to freeze for eating sparingly. I’ll see how it goes.

In the meantime, if you want a good $20.00 chicken (or beef) check out Dey Dey’s Best Beef Ever. I can vouch for the chicken being absolutely delicious.

Dey Dey’s Best Beef Ever — also sells chickens packaged (I guess) through Creston Valley Meats.

What are processed foods? — talks about processed meats, yuck what they say. Yuck.

The Dirty Secrets of Processed Foods — this is an interesting article.

4 Most Harmful Ingredients in Packaged Foods — another interesting article

I’ll never forget a warning a friend gave me years ago. She said don’t have an accident while on prednisone because you probably won’t survive it. Wow. Really?

Well, after surviving (somewhat) my pneumonia vaccination last week, I ran head first into hell week. Casting a side-eye in the direction of Murphy’s Law, not only did Murphy move in this week, so did all of his little babies and his wife. All that could go wrong went wrong this week and unfortunately, all of it was out of my hands, not in my control, I was simply stuck with it. I’ll also be very honest, this week scared the crap out of me as I was in pain all week and I ended up torquing my hip in a bad way doing something I shouldn’t have done but I had no choice but do it. To make matters worse, when the intense pain hit me, I had to pretend I was not in pain. Unfortunately, perspiration — the first indicator of intense pain — fell from my face like rain as I tried desperately to not show my pain. It was an awful experience and one I wish not to relive or repeat. Oh yeah, and for about six hours I had to sit, in pain, without pain meds because I forgot to bring them with me. Again, a most awful and most stressful week for me.

If there is a silver lining in the events of this week it was the realization I am not the woman I used to be. The medications (particularly prednisone) have worn me down. Though my spirit is still high and I can still make fun of my experiences, when it comes right down to the nitty gritty of it all, I’m just not who I used to be. That was a sobering thought and I don’t take it lightly. By week’s end, I had neck, shoulder, hip (both hips now), joint, knee and foot pain. I ached all over and I needed (and I do mean needed) my cane to walk if I had to walk long distances.

I have always worked in high-stress environments because, to be honest, it made me happy. I like problem solving in the 11th hour. Unfortunately, most of my stress this week was due in large part to not having functional adrenals. Prednisone just does not give me the umph needed to tackle 11th hour problems. When it piles up, instead of going full speed ahead, I go backwards, I slow down. My body slows, my brain gets foggy, and there’s nothing I can do to pump it up. This frustrates me to no end because there’s nothing I can do. Absolutely nothing. Drinking coffee is not an option either because it just makes matters worse. Thanks to prednisone — even before prednisone — I have problems sleeping. Drinking coffee just creates 24-hour days with no sleep so that’s out. I cannot tell you how many days I’ve gone to work on no sleep and I can’t blame any of it on partying though I wish that had been the case.

In the recent issue of Lupus Now, I will admit being a little perplexed by the article on men with lupus. I read and reread their stories and couldn’t believe most of the men featured quit their jobs because of their lupus symptoms. Over the years I’ve known and talked with women who have gone through sheer hell with lupus and have managed to keep their jobs and have kept their families going. Hard? Yes, but they do it. I couldn’t figure out these guys. Well, after my experience last week, I understood. Normally, I like running through brick walls with ease and some sense of gratification. Last week, I hit that wall so hard and was knocked so far backwards I fell down and couldn’t get up for a while because I was so shocked and dazed. This is not me, I thought. Well, today it is.

I had to do some research on prednisone to figure out what happened to me. I’ve seen all of the side-effects in the past, weight gain, facial swelling, mental confusion / indecisiveness, blurred vision, insomnia, increased sugar in the blood, anxiety, increased sensitivity to the sun, delayed wound healing, yeah, I knew about these but what I didn’t know, or didn’t want to see was adrenal suppression after long-term use.

Prolonged use of prednisone and other corticosteroids causes the adrenal glands to atrophy (shrink) and stop producing the body’s natural corticosteroid, cortisol. If prednisone is abruptly withdrawn after prolonged use, the adrenal glands are unable to produce enough cortisol to compensate for the withdrawal, and symptoms of corticosteroid insufficiency (adrenal crisis) may occur. These symptoms include nausea, vomiting and shock. Therefore, prednisone should be discontinued gradually so that the adrenal glands have time to recover and resume production of cortisol. Until the glands fully recover, it may be necessary to treat patients who have recently discontinued corticosteroids with a short course of corticosteroids during times of stress (infection, surgery, etc.), times when corticosteroids are particularly important to the body.

A serious complication of long-term use of corticosteroids is aseptic necrosis of the hip joints. It is a painful condition that ultimately can lead to the need for surgical replacement of the hip. Patients taking corticosteroids who develop pain in the hips or knees should report the pain to their doctors promptly.

As they say, stick a fork in me, I’m done. I knew the adrenals were shut down but I don’t think I knew (or didn’t want to know or see) the glands atrophy. More importantly, cortisol is released in response to stress — something that’s not happening now since prednisone has taken over — and is considered “the stress hormone” . Small increases of cortisol have some positive effects:

A quick burst of energy for survival reasons

Heightened memory functions

A burst of increased immunity

Lower sensitivity to pain

Helps maintain homeostasis in the body

Now, having said that, it can do some harm as well. Too much stress and too much cortisol can cause other problems and perhaps, having loved my high-stress environments, could be a contributory factor to why I’m where I am right now:

Impaired cognitive performance

Suppressed thyroid function

Blood sugar imbalances such as hyperglycemia

Decreased bone density

Decrease in muscle tissue

Higher blood pressure

Lowered immunity and inflammatory responses in the body, slowed wound healing, and other health consequences

Increased abdominal fat, which is associated with a greater amount of health problems than fat deposited in other areas of the body. Some of the health problems associated with increased stomach fat are heart attacks, strokes, the development of metabolic syndrome, higher levels of “bad” cholesterol (LDL) and lower levels of “good” cholesterol (HDL), which can lead to other health problems!

You see, last week was a humbling experience. The prednisone would not allow me to “pump it up” as I was once able. That may not be a bad thing. I’m 52-years old, do I have another 52 years in me? Sometimes we need to stop and smell the roses. When I look at the list above, I can see myself pre-lupus diagnosis: high cholesterol, high blood pressure, lower immunity, high inflammatory responses in the body, suppressed thyroid function, it’s all there, that was me. Perhaps I’m lucky because lupus now serves as my personal stop sign and I needed to stop.

Before prednisone, I took my body places it didn’t need to go for sustained periods of time. After prednisone, I cannot take my body places it doesn’t need to go because I have no cortisol to take me there. To go there now means what, having my internal organs serve as shock absorbers for my stress? I don’t think so. I’m trying really hard to save my poor kidneys and keep them happy for as long as I can.

Which takes me to another place. I recently cut my work hours from five days to four because I want to save my kidneys. Coming off of chemo was my reason for doing this. One, I want this to be a successful treatment cycle. I don’t want another relapse. Two, I want to start weaning from prednisone. Three, I had to cut out the day I worked alone to avoid the unfortunate possibility that something could happen — a stroke perhaps — and no one would find me until the next morning. Didn’t want that to happen. After my experiences last week I now realize stress is what’s killing me. Yes, the week was hell but I needed that hell to realize the underlying source for my problems. There is always a silver lining, we just need to seek it out.

If my adrenals could talk they would tell me they’re going to stay on vacation until I work out my issues. Stress and jumping all over the place is great for spring chickens, not old cluckers like me. I’ve learned my lesson.

The reduction in prednisone will require a delicate balancing act. If my adrenals are going to kick in — and I surely hope they do — I will need to keep my stress levels manageable so as to not overtax them. If I fail at this balancing act, my kidneys could blow up and I’ll be back — as was the case last year — to 40 mg of prednisone and perhaps, more chemo. I don’t want that.

I share all of this to say one thing to all who may read it, watch your stress. I’m sure some would say that’s easier said than done but consider where you may end up. For me, perhaps, it’s lupus. For others, cancer or something else.

This weekend I was reminded of Aesops fable the Tortoise and the Hare. The Hare at one point lays down and while sleeping, the tortoise goes on to win the race. There are two schools of thought regarding this fable, one says the hare was smart in sleeping or perhaps realized spinning your wheels for a ridiculous race was not worth the cost. The other school of thought, slow determination wins the race. I like both of them because some things just ain’t worth it and sometimes you just need to slow down and see the countryside. You’ll get there when you get there.

The cynic in me does wonder what is real and what is make believe and I’ve heard not all farmers’ markets are really farmers’ markets. Some, I’ve heard, have produce that is shipped to the vendor and sold at the market. The key is shipped to the vendor. The actual farmer is not there and you have no clue if the farmer is actually a large corporate farm or a family farm. There’s no way of telling unless you follow these guys back to a farm to actually see them unload their wares.

Cynicism aside, I will say most of the fruits and vegetables — and recently eggs — purchased at the farmers’ markets I’ve visited are considerably better than what I’ve purchased in grocery stores, particularly strawberries. The strawberries I purchased at the local grocers around here have been horrible at best. I finally decided to throw in the towel and from now on, I’m purchasing my berries at the farmers’ market. They are so much better.

Recently, I purchased eggs at a farmers’ market. I brought them home, cracked an egg and found an orange yolk. Now that’s what you want to see, not that yellow mess you see from grocery store eggs. I will confess, it was not the deep orange I was looking for but it was deep enough. According to their sign, they say, and I emphasize the words “they say”, their hens are fed organic feed. I don’t know if this is with or without soy — trying to eliminate soy from my diet — but I will say they were some tasty eggs.

Another wonderful find was a woman selling a salt-free seasoning that was better than anything I’ve tasted from Mrs. Dash. Benson’s Gourmet Seasonings was the winner of the fair for me. Tasty and just what I was looking for. While I stood there looking over her wares, she stepped up and offered me a taste of her seasonings and I went hog wild — forgive me little piggies — with excitement. The Table Tasty seasoning is meant for just that, your table. It has the taste of salt without salt and — thank you Lord — it does not contain potassium chloride, which is in quite a few salt substitutes. The Table Tasty seasoning contains nutritional yeast extract (No Candida Albicans, No Msg), carrot, red bell pepper, onion, lemon, arrowroot, garlic, celery, dill, paprika, allspice, sweet basil and parsley. That’s it. It is salty and healthy and just what the kidneys ordered.

Since she gave me a taste of most of her seasonings, I walked away with three, the Table Tasty, Supreme and the Zesty. I enjoyed both the Zesty and Table Tasty with greens and I will try either the Supreme or the Zesty this evening with Red Snapper.

I not only walked away with these wonderful salt-free spices, I was also given a fist full of recipes. How about that for service. While I stood there tasting the spices and talking with this wonderful woman, she was cooking a chicken dish that had everyone’s mouth watering. It smelled heavenly.

As for farmers’ markets, I like those that are certified as in California Certified Farmers’ Markets. The reason is these markets feature real California growers who bring products they grow directly to the public. Both the La Canada and Pasadena Farmers’ Markets are certified.

As I move through the Farmers’ Market circles, I’m sure I’ll learn the good from the bad. There is also a food coop starting here in the Pasadena area, the Arroyo Food Coop. I’m looking forward to that start-up, it’s just unfortunate I have not been able to make it to any of their meetings. In my quest to eat a healthier, wholesome diet, I’m learning too much about my old way of eating and realizing as much as I thought I was doing well for myself, I really wasn’t.

If you’re looking for a Certified Farmers’ Market in Los Angeles County, check out the following website http://www.farmernet.com/events/cfms. They are growing popular and I’m glad to see it.

As for the vaccine for pneumonia, I had already begun breaking down my resistance to having this vaccination. To be honest, I began reconsidering my staunch stance against it when I found myself battling what felt like pneumonia every year during flu season. I never actually came down with the flu but my goodness, the lung ailments were getting the better of me. I finally came to the conclusion that being vaccinated against pneumonia was a crap shoot. If I didn’t get the shot, perhaps I’ll deal with the madness again next year. If I do get the shot, perhaps I won’t. It didn’t take long for me to acquiesce and say yes to the pneumonia shot. Time will tell if it actually works.

As for the Shingles vaccination, I am a bit hesitant. My doctor does not want to give me the vaccination as long as I’m on 10 mg. of prednisone. He called it “too risky”. He did say he could give me the shot if I were on 5 mg or less and recommended my other doctor reduce me. I am still hesitant and asked him since I’ve never had chickenpox, should I get the Shingles vaccination. I don’t think I got a clear answer. In fact, my mother has asked several doctors since her shingles experience and she too has not received a clear answer. One doctor did tell her getting the shingles vaccination would not guarantee she would not get shingles again. That was all she needed to say no thank you.

As for me, I’ve been searching for an answer to no avail. I found one medical site that stated for a person that has not had chickenpox — like me — we should receive the chickenpox vaccination, not the vaccination for shingles. Can you say the practice of medicine is truly a practice.

I don’t know what to think anymore. It is my belief big pharm and all of its money grubbing ways has done more to influence the practice of medicine to make money than really help patients. Big pharm is so removed from actual patients it would seem they really don’t care what happens to us, they just want their money which is why, after reading info on the Shingles Vaccine, I found vague and ambiguous information regarding who should get the vaccine.

One would think the assumption is everyone in America has had chickenpox and hey doctors, don’t test your patients for the virus because, what the heck, if they didn’t have it, so what. When I check sites where folks ask doctors questions like “hey doc, never had chickenpox, should I get the shingles vaccination?” The doctors’ responses have been equally vague or downright condescending as in “you probably don’t remember having had chickenpox.” After telling folks they have bad memories, bad brains or are just plain stupid, they finish with get the shot.

Now, I’m sure many don’t remember having chickenpox, particularly if they were very young when the unfortunate event happened. I personally remember not having chickenpox because when my brother got it, at 14 or 15, my mother wanted me to stay in the house and get it too. I didn’t and she was very concerned. My mother knows I’ve never had chickenpox and that puts me in a peculiar situation: it could easily be assumed I had chickenpox, am one of those who simply forgot or don’t remember having chickenpox and as such, it could equally be assumed that I need to be vaccinated against shingles because, of course, you had chickenpox.

Perhaps, in a very stupid kind of way, I’m not interested in being vaccinated against anything else after my experiences this week. I might change my mind — might — but I will need some clear answers based on something other than assumption or speculation. My life, as it stands with lupus, is a crap shoot anyway. I’m doing drugs that were not designed to treat lupus and those drugs have far reaching, adverse side effects. Basically, my life with lupus and the meds I take are a gamble, crap shoot, and I would like to limit the gamble as much as possible.

For now, I am a little shaky about the Shingles vaccine and my doctor — wisdom prevailing — ordered I get a Shingles Titer test. I don’t know if he requested this because I was asking too many questions or if he felt it was worth it to get a definitive answer — if said answer can be provided through said test. I don’t know if my nephrologist would know the answer but I will ask him as well.

That aside, as mentioned, I did get the pneumonia vaccine and I will tell you, it was no piece of cake. I felt a little weird at the beginning but thankfully, the nurse gave me the injection and had me wait 20 minutes to ensure I had no reaction from the injection. After 20 minutes, she checked to feel if the area around the injection was raised or hot and I was allowed to go on my merry little way. However, that afternoon and days later, I felt tired, achy, slow and I had some serious brain fog. I could not believe how slow, brain dead, and listless I became. It was absolutely awful. I was fine prior to the shot. Afterwards, good grief. Leaving the house and leaving my back door open was probably the worse. Thankfully, the security door was locked up good but, to walk through that door to only push through the other, not good. Since then, I’ve been checking everything I do twice.

The effects of the vaccination appear to be wearing off but I will not soon forget the experience. Last week would have been a good week for a vacation because my body needed to be wherever my brain landed. As for the aches and pains, well they persist albeit dulling a bit.

So, what’s in the pneumonia vaccine? Well, that’s interesting because I’ve read about many vaccines, some fight 7 of the 80 different types of pneumococcus bacteria, another released earlier this year fights 13 and there are some that fight only 23 of the 80. These vaccines do not protect against pneumonia caused by microbes other than pneumococcus bacteria, nor do they protect against pneumococcal bacteria strains not included in the vaccine. However, the vast majority of infections are caused by the many of the serotypes contained in the vaccines. Being the lovable cynic, I guess that brings me some reassurance. I was told the vaccine I received contained a “dead” strain.

Bottom line, though I am one of those resistant to vaccines, I had to rethink my stance because of my recurring bouts with pneumonia. Now, if I look up next year and find myself dealing with the same thing I won’t feel too good about vaccines. We’ll see. As for the shingle vaccine, the jury is still out there. Thankfully, the feeling of being a dead head is subsiding and, unfortunately, it had nothing to do with the Grateful Dead.

The young woman is Tiffany (seen here) and she writes for the blog Fight Like A Girl Club. In her article “Newly Diagnosed With Lupus? So Now What?”, she writes about something I know all too well:

One of the biggest challenges I have come across after being diagnosed with Lupus was the attempt to share that knowledge and understanding with friends and family. How often have we been called “lazy, oblivious, slow”, and many other painful names because of the misunderstandings of others not comprehending our body and battles with Lupus?

Yes, yes, yes indeed. Those “painful names” were unbearable for me, particularly prior to my diagnosis. I didn’t know what I had and I had no explanation for why I felt the way I did. Not until I was diagnosed in 2005 did I have a name for all that ailed me, past, present and future.

Not knowing my symptoms were related to lupus and hearing the aforementioned words “lazy, oblivious, slow”, probably contributed to why I’m such a hardass today, that “Type A” personality. If I had known lupus was the cause of my problems I probably would not have forced myself up a flight of stairs when afflicted with a mysterious lung ailment. I probably would not have, again, forced myself to a train station and walked up another flight of stairs when I was suddenly stricken with a heart ailment. I also would not have forced myself to continue standing through a photo shoot that caused me to experience dizziness, I became lightheaded and nauseous.

Tiffany goes on to talk about the Spoon Theory and how using that excellent piece helped her mother understand her daughter’s daily trials. There is more and I encourage everyone who has lupus, or knows someone with lupus, to read. It’s a great article.

Links:

Fight Like A Girl Club — “Newly Diagnosed With Lupus? So Now What?”

More Articles of Note on Fight Like A Girl Club:

I told her though she may or may not be able to stop flares from happening, she could take steps to minimize them by eating right, exercising, watching her intake of sodium/salt and reduce stress. She seemed amenable to the suggestions except she had a hard time with eating right, more specifically, cooking.

She told me she didn’t know how to cook, cooking bored her, she didn’t have time to prepare meals, she was too tired to cook and when we got to eating whole fruits and veggies, she was all a flutter. Her life consists of buying packaged foods ready for the microwave, eating out at restaurants, and snacking.

Now that she’s on prednisone and gaining weight, she has resorted to drinking diet sodas. First sodas, in my opinion, aren’t good for you because they help you gain weight. Many I know who stopped drinking sodas saw a noticeable reduction in weight. Second, and again in my opinion, diet sodas are the worse because of aspartame and its derivatives. Now I know there is much debate regarding aspartame but to me, anything that is not natural (as in man made synthetic) is off limits and not for ingesting. I was privy to the original FDA report (which has been posted online here) and from what I read, aspartame is not only no good for humans it’s no good for animals.

She was not the only one who, like many, have taken to eating out, eating sodium-filled processed foods, or eating foods with absolutely no nutritional value. I spoke with a young woman at the grocery store recently who was amazed I made my own pizzas and she was fascinated with the amount of green leafy veggies being purchased. This young woman did not cook, she lives with her parents who cook and when they were on vacation recently she chose to eat out or not eat at all. I was thankful she lives with her parents because I can see this young woman heading down the path of poor health if she were out on her own.

Sitting where I am today, I can see the beneficial impact eating a healthy, whole foods diet has made on my life. It has been a life saver. When I changed my diet, life began anew for me. I have more energy, less flare days, I sleep better, and inflammation — the stuff of pain — has gone down dramatically. I eat anti-inflammatory foods, Omega-3s, to help in my battle against inflammation and I am now down to one pill and that’s prednisone which I hope to have reduced very soon.

I know the American culture is such that we want to do what we want to do when we want to do it and if stuff goes wrong, take a pill, there must be a pill to help me while I continue to do what I want to do when I want to do it. Truth is, as hard as it is to hear or read this, we must take responsibility for our actions. Depending on a pill to help us is great if you are also willing to accept the responsibility of that as well. Most of the medications for lupus — trust, I’ve had my share — have equally debilitating side-effects like leukemia or lymphoma.

I am one such person who also wanted to do what I wanted to do when I wanted to do it and I suffered the consequences of my actions. I kept relapsing, I became a tub of toxic fluid with the prednisone/sodium connection, I was always in miserable pain because I continued to eat inflammatory foods, I didn’t want to cook because it took too much time to do so, I wanted to spend money on other things, not good food. Finally, I found myself angry with my doctors because I wanted them to “do something” to eliminate this malaise; a better pill perhaps.

I chose a new direction and instead of spending my money on clothes, shoes and restaurants, I spent my money on whole fruits and vegetables because my body, hopefully, will outlive any article of clothing. Take care of your body and you’ll look good in anything you wear.

Now, About Stress

I hear this soooo often: “My job is stressful, I’m under a lot of stress, ain’t nothing I can do about stress.” My question, bluntly, is do you want to die? Do you want to live the rest of your life experiencing overwhelming fatigue?

I’ve heard much about adrenal fatigue or what MDs would call non-Addison’s hypoadrenia, sub-clinical hypoadrenia, hypoadrenalism, and neurasthenia. Basically, your adrenal glands are — to use a friend’s words — shot to hell. In short, this typically happens when a person experiences wall-to-wall stress, day in and day out, every day, at all hours of the day or night.

I will admit to being a Type A personality. Today I am not. A friend told me years ago when confronted with stressful situations I should step back, view the scene and if I found it the bridge I wanted to die on, reenter the scene. If not, walk away. I do a lot of walking away and at times I’ve been told I don’t care. Truth is, I do care but, like my friend said years ago, it’s not the bridge I want to die on. Sure, easier said than done but when you have a life threatening health issue, self preservation becomes paramount.

The important people on my job know I have lupus. If I’m going to be late because I’m moving slow (that infarct hip of mine) or experiencing brain fog when looking for the keys in my hand, I call in, say I’ll be late and drive in to work calmly. I do not drive like a bat out of hell, curse people out, honk my horn, or otherwise engage in aggressive driving. No.

While at work, if I have more work than I think I can handle, feel put upon, etc., I change my mind, literally. Instead of complaining to myself about all of the work, who didn’t do what, how this or that shouldn’t be, instead I look at each task and ask how I can do it to the best of my abilities. When I change my mind, I can see better ways to do something rather than miss the opportunity because I need more whine with my cheese.

I have also learned to engage others. If two people want me to do their job now, I’ll ask them to discuss it among themselves and come back and let me know which one is more important. If a task is taking longer than expected, I will call the person and let them know. Typically, they are not only grateful for the information but more often than not, they really didn’t know what they wanted and together we can work out a way to not only shorten the project but make it what they really wanted.

I now realize all of the stress I put myself through in the past was undue stress. The simple act of talking to people — I know, it’s old fashioned — can make your life better. You don’t have to tell them “I’m sick, I can’t take all of this”, really, that’s not the answer for conquering what you will have to deal with for the rest of your life. Finding ways to problem solve without turning into a walking volcano is always better than doing that to yourself. It’s not that I don’t care, I actually care more than I ever have. Problem solving has made me a better person.

So, as my friend once said, when I back away from the scene and find it not the bridge I want to die on, I will walk away. It’s not that I don’t care. What I discovered is the problem (or drama) is too small for me to fall over the bridge with you to find ourselves swimming frantically to safety. If the scene is the bridge I wish to die on and if you are willing to switch gears, having looked at the big picture, we might be able to work out a solution. No stress.

I entered the superhighway — aka “the web” — in the early 90s with a site advertising my business. It was short, sweet and to the point. Since then I have created all sorts of web sites for myself and others. I will tell you, building sites online for myself has been quite the experience. As a somewhat private person, a loner, and a very conservative sort, talking about myself aloud was not comfortable but I did it for the experience. I have always liked taking things apart to learn how they work and afterward, I took great pleasure in seeing if I could put the pieces back together.

When social media and social networking hit the web with YouTube, MySpace, Twitter and Facebook, I was very interested in learning how social media worked, what attracted folks to these sites and the power, if any, they had on promoting ideas and businesses. However, putting myself in the mix was something different altogether. Again, private, loner, conservative, not my cup of tea to go blabbing about myself all over the web.

I ended up having to withdraw from all of these sites and take some time to contemplate, even meditate, on the future of communications and the internet. I removed myself from Facebook, Twitter, and other social media sites and did what I do best, sat down and looked stupid for a while. Wise choice on my part because I needed to take some time to think about what I wanted to do going forward.

As a middle-aged woman who grew up during the time of Civil Rights, the Vietnam war, and Watergate, this social media thing kind of drowns out all sorts of voices, dulls your senses, and you might learn more about people than you really wanted to know. On the other hand, all of that “noise” helps you understand what people want, what they think, and you learn a little something about who they are without having to ring their doorbell and ask if they want to come outside and play.

Social media is an interesting concept that has its good side and a bad side. Once I got past my “oh my God, I cannot stand the noise” mode, I settled in and found myself fascinated by the conversations and interests.

Unfortunately, most of my friends are not into social media/networking. Many of them feel Facebook, Twitter, and other similar sites are nothing more than ego pursuits by those wanting more attention than they can personally garner in face-to-face communications. “Look at me”, “see me”, “I’m here”, “me, me, me”, is their view of social media. I once thought the same until recently when I discovered the medium is a good way to educate, get the word out about events or causes, and it’s, quite frankly, a good way to meet folks in other cities, or continents, you may never meet had it not been for social media sites like Facebook.

Had it not been for Twitter, I would never have learned about Blogging While Brown, Blogher, or SXSW. I had no idea such events were taking place in this country. Unfortunately, because of my health, I could not attend any of the events but it is a joy to know they exist. There were others and as a result, my world was made larger from the knowledge. For that, I am most grateful.

It is still a little bothersome for me — and I’m sure many of my friends feel the same way — to go blabbing about myself online. I typically enter a room feeling no one really wants to talk to me. I don’t care if I were a billionaire running a multi-billion dollar corporation, I would feel the same. I’ve never been a big talker, my views are typically hardass and I mean that, and sometimes I feel it best to just keep my mouth shut. Being a conservative African-American (and I did not say Republican) can lead to strange discussions as well.

So, having taken a step away from social media/networking, I have returned. I am now back on Twitter, Facebook, and will probably join other social media sites sans scattered forces and the feeling I once had of “I really don’t want to be here,” “I really shoudn’t be here” or “what the hell am I doing here?”

Now on to why I’m posting this today. Since I’ve finally made a decision — you know us Taureans are slow — I thought it was time to get on board with some new technology to get myself on-track with social media. My Blackberry will always be my business device but I needed something else and recently, I purchased a Motorola Droid 2. That little device is made for social media because it has screens and widgets to get you going.

After spending time with it I was able to set up my Twitter and Facebook accounts, got it set up with Ustream and WordPress, and now I’m off to the races. As a geeky sort, this thing really turns me on. I like it.

So, hopefully, I will be able to do more and share more in the future. Social media, I have now learned, is a fabulous way to educate folks about lupus, arts & entertainment, and other interests/knowledge I have and wish to share. I now look forward to branching out more in spite of what my friends are saying. Oh the rebel in me.